Interview with a QuaranTEEN
There’s no doubt that we’ve all collectively had our worlds flipped upside down, shaken furiously and the bubbles of anxiety are still rising to the top like an unending bought of bad gas. But to be a teenager during times of covid…. dang. I’m sure there were plenty of teenagers just wishing and hoping that they wouldn’t have to go to school everyday, or school would burn down, but I’m guessing most didn’t imagine their wish winding up as a global pandemic. In the case of my newly 16 year old teen, Holland, she experienced extreme highs and lows over the last 18 months (but what feels like a decade by now). From thoroughly enjoying taking class from her bed in sweats some days (okay, most), to feeling isolated and heavily in her thoughts about her future.
Over the course of this last year, she has lost her Grandfather, lost her Great Grandmother, she’s cultivated a stronger relationship with her best friends and with Christ, she acknowledged that she could greatly benefit from speaking to a therapist in an effort to grow her emotional intelligence, completed driver’s education, all while maintaining straight A’s and prioritizing her education. Scott and I witnessed our first born go from our naive leg-clutching toddler to a bright and resilient young woman in what felt like a matter of minutes.
We had several discussions with regards to our newly developed reality and how it has impacted us as individuals. Scott and I used to tell Holland that she had it easy. That she didn’t know what it was like to live sans internet, Google, social media, EVERYTHING AT YOUR FREAKING FINGER TIPS. Our favorite was explaining the dial up internet (cringing sound effect included of course), or when you had to wait till another family member was off the home phone line so you could use it. Or mapping out exactly where you needed to go via a paper map or the phone book maps of town. Kids these days…. they have no clue. But I’m honestly not sure we had it harder…. not now.
Parents, I beg you to take a moment and see life through the lens of your children’s eyes right now. Through a global pandemic, social injustices, tumultuous presidency and political unrest, social media’s distorted reality, and the very likely scenario of losing a loved one, our youth is suffering. Talk to them…. they’re not okay.
I learned this the hard way when Holland confided in Scott and I. Through tearful pleas for help and support, she explained that she was feeling the heaviness of masking her sadness and anxiety. She felt as though she needed to be brave and strong so that I could properly grieve the loss of my father, so Scott could grieve the loss of his beloved Grandmother, and so we could navigate the stress of work, helping the girls virtual learn, and keep the lights on.
As if conflicting emotions collided, I felt both a paralyzing sense of sadness, as well as an overwhelming fullness of joy. She chose vulnerability and courage. I couldn’t have felt prouder in that moment.
I asked her to elaborate on her experiences over the last 18 months. Through loss, grief, change, growth, and discovery, she shares her journey here.
What was your reaction when you were first told that school was going virtual in early 2020? I was excited because I thought it was nice to have a break from actual in person school.
What was your reaction when you learned that the new school year was going to be virtual for the 2020-2021 year? I was really sad because I hadn’t been to school since March and I was really done with being at home since I wasn’t really doing anything during the summer besides going to the lake with my friends since everything else was closed.
What were your feelings about returning to school IRL this year? When I found out I would be returning to school I was very excited because I would finally get to see my old friends and people I hadn’t seen since 8th grade.
How do you and your friends stay connected during quarantine? We texted all the time but what we mostly did was FaceTime for hours and hours, I remember a few times where we went 24 hours on FaceTime not even talking the whole time, we just drew, talked, painted, looked at TikTok or did other things to pass the time that felt like it lasted forever. It was just nice to have each other’s company since we were all practically prisoned to our houses with nowhere to go.
What are your favorite apps? My favorite apps are TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and Sudoku
What is your go-to series to watch when you’re feeling low and need a pick-me-up? When I am feeling sad or down I always turn to either Friends or Gilmore Girls to pick me up because they both make me laugh and I love them very much.
What are some of the activities you did while stuck at home? I tried teaching myself piano, but it didn’t last very long, especially when school started back up. I started to paint and draw more but it was always if I was feeling in the mood because I had to think of what to do and if I was capable of doing it without taking too much time out of my day. Mostly I watched TV and listened to music in my room.
Do you feel a sense of heaviness, and if so, what do you do to combat it and work through the emotions? I do feel a sense of heaviness, it is just really hard to be home all the time and to try and do what is best for my sister, family, friends and myself while trying my best in school. I work through the emotions with music, it has always a big thing for me and working out my emotions through song is what helps get me through it.
List off some things you do to help relieve some of your stress and emotions. I listen to music, watch some of my favorite episodes of a show I like, take a nap, breath, or take a break from whatever is making me stressed.
What do you struggle with the most? I struggle with anxiety and depression the most.
What’s been the hardest thing or experience over the past couple of years? The hardest thing I experienced over the past few years was saying goodbye to my grandpa and great grandma, both who I loved dearly, it really brought out a side in me that I had never seen and never want to see again. It was really hard to watch my grandpa fade away, never knowing what day I would say goodbye for the last time. It was hard dealing with school online and my grandpa’s death all at once.
“My experience with a therapist has been very helpful, she has helped me finally deal with the grief of my grandpa’s passing and finally being able to let him go. She also has recently been helping me with my anxiety and how to manage it during school.”
What made you decide to ask for support and seek out therapy? Was there a particular moment or conversation you had with someone? I decided to see a therapist when things started to get bad. I was having anxiety and panic attacks, which never happened before, and I was feeling the relapse from the death of my grandpa last September. There was one moment when I realized it was time to finally do it and not just tell myself that maybe it would be a good idea. That was when I had an anxiety attack so bad during the middle of my Spanish zoom and she called on me to speak but I could barely breathe and her calling on me just made things worse. That was the moment I knew it was worse than I thought and it was time to seek help.
How has your experience been with speaking to a therapist and have you found it helpful? Can you share any of the tools or helpful suggestions that might help others? My experience with a therapist has been very helpful, she has helped me finally deal with the grief of my grandpa’s passing and finally being able to let him go. She also has recently been helping me with my anxiety and how to manage it during school. Seeing someone who isn’t related to me and who I am not emotionally attached to has been a big help. I never want to have an anxiety attack as bad as that ever again.
What have been some of your favorite moments during this weird season of life? Some of my favorite moments were the FaceTimes with my friends, having more time to try and work on myself, and also the sleepovers me and my friends had when we were allowed to see each other again. Like our Harry Potter movie marathon where all of us only got like 1 hour of sleep for a nap. Or the time we stayed up playing cards against humanity and couldn’t stop laughing at like midnight where it was hard for us to try and be quiet.
Has the time away from friends, school, and regular activities changed you? What have you learned from it? The time away from my friends and school has definitely changed me because I realized that they were distracting me from figuring out that I have real high anxiety and insecurities about myself, like how they were the ones that kept me from completely falling apart into myself. It has been hard after those realizations.
What else do you want to share about being a teenager during the age of a pandemic, political unrest, new presidency, racial inequality and unrest? Parents just need to know that there is a lot of stress and pressure on teenagers, we are figuring out who we are and adding a pandemic to it does not help. It messes with our emotions and well being, parents just need to be patient with us.
How do you feel the past couple of years have affected your relationships and how your age group has changed? It has made the relationships with my friends stronger, because if we can get past a pandemic where we can’t see each other everyday, then we can do anything. My age group definitely deals with more anxiety and depression but we also are making the most of what we have, because if the pandemic has taught everyone anything, it is that everything could be gone in an instant.
Name your 5 best traits. I am smart, kind, loving, responsible, and hardworking
What activities set your soul on fire and bring you joy? Singing, dancing, and hanging out with my friends.
What’s the last thing that made you cry? The last thing that made me cry was the death of one of my favorite characters on a show.
If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why? I want to go to Paris because I want to see all the amazing fashion in Paris and I want to go to the Eiffel tower.
Who is your biggest inspiration? My biggest inspiration is my mom, she is resilient, kind, strong and overall understanding. She is one of the best people in my life and reminds me everyday that I can be anything and do anything I put my mind to.
My advice to all parents of teenagers, please be patient with us, we may seem mad and angry at times and lash out but we are just dealing with a lot. High school is hard, there is bullying, higher anxiety and depression in today’s teenagers, and there is all this pressure for college and our futures. Most teenagers won’t lean out to their parents for help but there are signs that parents can look for to know that maybe their child just needs some extra support. Like when teenagers are really defensive, or act like they don’t care about anything. Teenagers go through a lot, especially in high school but all we ever really want is to have someone understand that it is hard to turn to those we love. Maybe what we need is someone to tell us that everything is going to be ok and someone who is willing to just listen to what we have to say.
Photos by Sarah Gray of Gray Mountain Photography